New Year, Who Dis?

Happy New Year! 2018. Holy shit.

So, in preparation for this post I read some old ‘happy new year’ posts. You can check them out here, should you feel so inclined.


2014: I guess I missed 2014?



And good lord I was an unhappy person. I can look back and remember everything I was going through and putting up with and just wow. I am so done with all that shit. I just decided. Like, just now, reading all of that back. I’ve been there and done that and am currently getting the divorce. I am not dealing with drama or nonsense or crazy ever again, because I am worth too much to deal with it. Not even for love, cuz I’m here to tell you that love is NEVER enough. Ever. Love isn’t going to do anything for anyone except cloud your judgement and get you into situations you should’ve never been in in the first place. I am 38 years old, single for the first time since I was 22 and you bet your ass I’m about to enjoy my life. I am about to finish some books and go out with friends and chill over at my mom’s house to watch all 13 episodes of Outlander since I had to turn off all the premium channels. If someone wants to be in my life, they will figure it the fuck out. They will wait. They will chase. They will try. And if they don’t, whatever. I have my shit together and am fairly easy on the eyes. I think I’ll be all right. You can call 2018 the year of my happy – and happy, just so you know, is an inside job.

My New Year’s post wouldn’t be complete without some life advice so here you go:

  • If it’s too good to be true, it’s not true. Period the end.
  • Hard times will show you who really cares about you. Cherish those people.
  • If you’ve tried everything you can try, it’s time to walk away. Don’t waist another second of your life on something that’s only causing you pain.
  • Everyone is fighting their own battel. Have courage and be kind. Every day.

And my life’s motto:

  • It is never too late to become what you might have been

Trust? No. That’s not a thing I do.

Trust, I’ve decided, is an odd, odd thing. If I’m being honest with myself, I don’t think it has very much to do with the other person at all – not when you’ve been lied to as much as I have. I think either you have the capacity to trust in people or you don’t. I suppose people can earn your trust and prove that they deserve it, but if you’re not the kind of person to freely give it, it’s going to be a fight on their part regardless.

Now, let’s say something breaks the fragile trust you’ve managed to build up. Doesn’t matter what it is, if it really happened, if it’s true, it’s the perception of trust that matters.

It’s the perception of anything that matters. No one cares about what is actually going on. It’s how the thing is perceived within their own minds and their own hearts. How does it affect them? How does it make them feel? Fuck the truth. Fuck the reality of the situation. But I digress…

So, the perception of trust is gone. Maybe just in one certain situation. Let’s say you no longer trust someone with driving your child around if they’ve been in a wreck, or you no longer trust someone with money if they’re constantly overdrawing their account. Have you lost all trust in them? Is the entire perception of trust gone, or just in those areas? And what is an acceptable demand post-loss of trust? Is it acceptable to demand changes of behavior? Is it acceptable to give ultimatums for your own sanity? Or should you just wash your hands of a situation that will never, ever again be the same?

I don’t know the answer here, I’m asking. Asking you guys, asking the universe, asking myself? I don’t know. But I’m asking someone. I’m pretty close to giving up on the human race, in general, as a species, so any advice is appreciated and welcome.