Adulting. No thanks.

Here are a few things that suck about being an adult.

Everyone asking you what’s for dinner. Like, why the hell is it up to me what’s for dinner? If you’re old enough to form that sentence, figure it out yourself.

Laundry: Psssshh, Fuck you, clean clothes. I’m ‘bout ready to be known as the stinky family.

Cleaning when you live with messy people. I HAD A C-SECTION FOR YOU AND FOREVER RUINED MY BODY HANG UP YOUR DAMN CLOTHES.

Animals. Okay, just MY diabetic cat who’s taken to shitting everywhere BUT his litter box.

Paying bills. All the time. Kiss my ass, JEA. This has to be extortion or a monopoly or there must be something going on with your $400 bills when I had a bigger house in Clay county and my bill was NEVER over $200.

Having to be somewhere ALL THE TIME. I have to be at work or I have to be home TO GIVE MY DAMN CAT HIS SHOT or I have to be up making lunches or I have to be cleaning or I have to be somewhere all the time. I don’t want to have to be anywhere. I want to lay in my bed REGRET FREE and watch every 90-day Finance ever made. But I cannot.

Being expected to watch the news. Yeah, I need to know what’s going on in the world…but I really don’t want to know what’s going on in the world. I want to live in a little bubble and be damn happy about it.

Getting divorced. Listen here, society. It really should be as hard to get married as it is to get divorced. It would negate the need for the latter in a lot of cases because this shit is ridiculous. I should just be able to write a strongly worded letter to a judge, sign something and boom. I’m divorced.

Trying to date after getting divorced. What the hell is wrong with everyone these days. No one calls anyone anymore, there’s all this texting bullshit and social media crap. Like, oh we’re not really in a relationship unless it’s ‘FBO’ that’s Facebook Official for all of you normal people who don’t know what the hell that is. It’s a joke. Just fucking love me. Just love me and be crazy about me and tell everyone you meet that I’m the one. Is that so hard?

Watching the people you love get older while you yourself get old. Walked into a hospital room tonight to my small, frail mother laying in a bed with what’s most likely ovarian cancer eating her alive from the inside out. I can’t even begin to describe this feeling to you. This helplessness. It’s like guilt and regret and despair all rolled into one and pushing my heart down in my stomach. My mom hasn’t been herself for years now. She had a bad accident and was taking pain pills that she should have never been prescribed for long enough to change her. Then it was one thing after another until her mind just, went. First it was her short-term memory. And we would get annoyed. ‘No, Tammy. I just told you…whatever we’d just said she’d forgotten.’ Then it started to get worse. My dad finally took her to a neurologist and they said it could very well be the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s. Now this. Now this tumor or mass or growth or whatever the hell you want to call it. Truth? I think she’s just given up. Between the pain, and the diabetes and the confusion, I think she’s just…done. And her body is following suit. My dad is going to retire this year. She drives him crazy, but he’s so used to being her total caregiver now, I think he’ll be a little lost if she goes. I think we all will.

A lot of things suck about being an adult. But some stuff is okay. And I’m sure I’ll think of some. Tomorrow.

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