Have you ever just woken up one day and felt completely and utterly disenchanted with life? Not your own life per se, just life in general. Optimists would say life is what you make it. I’m sure they’re right. Just not today. Today you’re giving yourself permission to be miserable and hate everyone and everything, down to the sadistic ants who feasted on your meaty flesh last Friday night at your son’s football game.
It’s not you, it’s me. Really. It’s me and my anger and my annoyance and my inability to just follow the crowd and drink the damn Kool Aid. If there were a pill, I would take it. If there were some changes to be made, I would make them. Who am I kidding? Probably not and definitely not today. But maybe. Maybe one day, some day.
Stop this life. Stop this world. Stop this madness and insufferable noise that goes on and on and on. Not out there, but in here. Always in here. But nothing ever stops. Life continues to be what you make it; I continue to make it something I wish it weren’t. ‘The cards are in your hands,’ she said. ‘You’re the problem now,’ she said.
If you talk enough sense, then you’ll lose your mind.
It’s been about a month since I started trying to live a grateful life and here is the sad, sad truth: It’s hard to do. I know, I know! I have so many things to be grateful for – in fact, I have a list if you’d like to see it and about seventeen entries in my gratitude journal – but it is hard to keep a grateful outlook when ‘life’ gets in the way. I find myself angry at traffic, angry at technology, angry when things aren’t going my way…just angry for reasons that shouldn’t matter. Now that I’m paying attention, I’m a pretty awful, selfish, ungrateful person – which is a damn shame. I’m working on it by trying to live in the moment more and stop rocking in the worry chair – but I have to work on it every day.
My Gratitude Journal
I’m a fan of the gratitude journal, which I complete at work in the mornings. I tend to get in the office before the majority of the folks so it’s quiet and that gives me time to reflect on what’s been going on. It’s been helping keep me in the right mindset. In fact, the journal helped me see the good in a situation I would’ve previously been aggravated about so overall, that’s a win.
I haven’t started my gratitude letter yet. In case you’re unfamiliar with this term, it’s a heartfelt letter you write to someone listing specific things they’ve done that you’re grateful for. You’re supposed to read it to them in person but as a grateful introvert, that might not be ideal for me. I know who I want to write it to. There’s a 50-50 chance it goes over well. I will write it by the end of this month. Goal set.
The Gratitude Diaries
The roadmap for this little journey is from Janice Kaplan’s book, The Gratitude Diaries. I highly suggest this audiobook, especially for on the way to work, though I’m sure the printed copy is just as good.
I’ll try to think of something a little more snazzy for my October update, you know, so you can be grateful you actually read the post. See you then.